Title Story
by jaina-lotr
Summary: This is a story using all episode titles. It's comlpetely plotless and completely stupid, but hopefully funny! Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

**Title Story**

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**disclaimer: **I own nothing, cuz if I did i wouldn't be broke.

**author's note: **_okay I know this has been done before, but this is my take on a story in which all episode titles will be used. I'm not sure how long this story will be, I already have two chapters written and am working on the third now. Depending on the feedback probably won't determine whether or not I'll finish thsi story cuz frankly I'm a little curious to how it will turn out. Having said that, I'm not saying I don't want reviews uz I do, but yeah anyway, moving on. This story has absolutely no plot, none what so ever. It's just a random and stupid story, but me and my sisters think it's funny so i decided to post it. oh and there's a reference to another story that I've written that I haven't posted yet, I'll try and get that up so you'll understand what they're talking about. Anyway that's enough of my rambling on with the story. oh and if you don't notice all episode titles are in bold. anyway, enjoy and don't forget to review!!_

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Walking down the **unending **hallway was a waste of time. Jack O'Neill had told his team this over and over, but did they listen to him . . . no. So, here they were, continuously walking. They wouldn't be in this situation except for the extra they brought with them.

They had borrowed someone from another team because no one believed that SG-1 could handle a simple mission alone. Well, the idiot that was on loan had decided that they needed to look around. He had **fallen** through a hole in the floor. Instead of making **revisions** to their equipment so they could climb out, the idiot wandered off. Surprisingly, Daniel and Carter had agreed with him, wanting to get out of this stupid place.

Jack couldn't help, but think back to the time they ended up in **1969**. He had no idea why he thought of that. The only connection was that it was a long trip.

Jack could tell that his team was uncomfortable. He couldn't blame them. A mission from three years ago pooped into his head. They had been stuck **beneath the surface**, their memories having been messed with. The same thing was happening now . . . well not the exact same thing. He still knew who he was, but that wouldn't help them get out of this stupid place.

He thought about suggesting, no, ordering, them to turn around and go back, but they were way past the **point of no return**.

"Collins," Jack yelled making the young man stop.

"Sir?"

"How much farther? Anymore of this and I'm going to go **out of **my **mind**."

"I don't know, sir," Collins replied nervously.

"You don't know! What do you mean you don't know! You're the one that got us into this mess!"

"It can't be too much farther, sir. It should only be **a matter of time** before we reach the end."

Jack was about to reply when he noticed Carter looking at one of her gadgets. He didn't like the look on her face.

"Carter?"

"Sir, I don't know if there is an end," she answered, knowing exactly what Jack was going to ask.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we are completely **off the grid**, there's no way of knowing how much farter we would have to go before we reach **the other side**."

"What about a **cross road**, shouldn't there be something like that?"

"I don't know, sir."

"Oh come on Carter, I'm gonna lose it if we stay down here much longer. We **need** to find a way out of this place."

"Why don't we just turn around?" Daniel asked, also looking like he couldn't take much more of this tunnel.

"That is a very good idea," Jack declared, understanding even more why he and Daniel were best friends.

"No, we can't go back. There could be more to this place. **Secrets** just waiting to be discovered," Collins said.

"We're leaving Collins. You can stay if you want. We'll get Hammond to tell your **family **that you didn't want to get home," Jack said, starting to walk the other way, the rest of his team following him.

Collins hurried o catch up, not wanting to get left behind. As he got closer to the group he heard Jack say, "Once we get back I'm going to take a long **holiday**."

When they reached the place where Collins had fallen through they tried to figure out how they were going to get out. They ended up deciding to give Daniel a boost, then Carter, then Collins, and then Carter and Daniel pulled up Jack and Teal'c.

"Careful, this part of the floor is unstable, **one false step** and you could end up back down there," Sam said, once again studying her gadget.

Once they had exited the temple safely they began the journey toward the stargate. After about only ten minutes Jack held up hid hand signally them to stop.

"Teal'c, you hear that?" Jack whispered.

"Indeed, I do, O'Neill."

"Crap. Okay, everyone on **full alert**. I want to make it back in one piece."

They continued on carefully for the rest of the way. When they reached the clearing that housed the stargate they found that they were cut off. The gate was surrounded by Jaffa.

"There wasn't supposed to be any **enemies** here. It was supposed to be a simple mission," Jack whisper-yelled at Collins.

"Well, this place used to be a Goa'uld **stronghold**. We just thought that it was abandoned, sir," Collins answered.

"There is so many of them. There has to be at least **200** down there," Carter said.

"This is really bad," Jack said, looking through his binoculars. "There is no way we can make it through all of them."

"O'Neill."

Jack turned at the sound of Teal'c's voice. Someone was coming up behind them.

"Daniel, think you can get through?"

"Jack, I may be immune to zats, but I'm still only **flesh and blood**."

"I'll take that as a no then."

It wasn't long before they were spotted by Jaffa search parties. It took even less time for the **bad guys** to surround them.

They were stripped of their weapons and forced to walk to the mother ship that had landed nearby.

"Great, now this report's gonna be even longer," Jack mumbled. "I hate paper work; it is the **bane **of my existence."

They were shoved through two huge doors into a large room. At the end of the room there was a large, golden throne.

The five of them were forced to their knees in front of the ugly gold thing. A couple minutes later they were greeted by the customary Goa'uld voice before they even saw their captor.

"Welcome, though you are on my planet **uninvited** you will not be harmed."

"Yeah, well, that remains to be seen," Jack replied. His eyes widened when they finally got to see what the Goa'uld looked like. "Holy crap, she could be **Hathor**'s sister," he whispered to Daniel, who was right next to him.

The Goa'uld stopped short when she finally got a good look at her 'visitors.' She almost looked surprised.

"You are SG-1 of the Tau'ri."

"Yes, we are. We'll give you our autographs if you let us go," Jack said.

"Sir," Collins whispered nervously, not used to Jack's way with diplomacy or being captured.

The Goa'uld laughed.

"It would be foolish to let you go. The **bounty **on you is too high. Take them to a holding cell."

"Hey, wait," Jack yelled while being dragged to his feet, "I thought we weren't **prisoners**."

"I never said that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title Story: Chapter 2**

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**disclaimer: **I don't own anything, cuz if I did I wouldn't be broke.

**author's note:**_ so the same thing applies to this chapter. it's using episode titles, but not as many. um, something you may want to know if for the double episodes (the ones with more than one part ex: quest, i only used them once. i'll get chapter 3 up as soon as i'm done writng it! anyway on with the story! enjoy! _

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Jack watched Collins as he paced back and forth. He definitely wasn't used to this. He looked around the room at his team. Carter was taking in the cell, he could tell by the look on her face that she was trying to find a way out. Teal'c was also looking for a way out, but he was also sizing up the Jaffa that were guarding their cell. Daniel was stretched out on the floor, his glasses hanging on the front of his shirt, and his arm over his eyes.

Jack didn't know how they had become best friends. They were complete opposites, like **fire and water**, although Daniel was starting to act more like him. That was a scary thought.

"What are we going to do!?" Collins asked abruptly, still pacing. It was obvious that he was scared.

"There is nothing we can do right now," Jack replied, and then he got an idea. "Hey Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Is there anything in **Jolinar's memories** that might help get us out?"

"Afraid not, sir."

"Well then, we'll just have to think of something."

About an hour later Jack and Daniel were playing a game. It was basically 'I Spy,' but Jack hadn't liked that name so he changed it to **'Quest.'**

"Oh, come on, you can't do that!" Daniel said.

"Yes, I can. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there."

"This is not a **fair game,** Jack."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Sir!" Sam said loudly. When he looked at her she continued, "With all due respect, you and Daniel are acting like children."

Jack was about to reply when they heard the sound of Jaffa approaching.

"Oh crap," Collins said.

"You know, Collins, they're going to focus on you," Jack said.

"What! Why?"

"Because SG-1 is only a four man team. Every Goa'uld knows that and you being **the fifth man** . . ." Jack let his sentence trail off. Truth be told they probably wouldn't pay much attention to Collins; they would focus on SG-1 and most probably himself and Daniel. Why they liked to torture the two of them he would never know.

"Sir, you're scaring him," Sam whispered.

"I know. He's on an SG team, and I don't care if he's new, he'll have to get used to this. That's if you can get used to this. **The other guys** on his team obviously haven't told him everything.

A couple minutes later the Jaffa reached their cell. Sure enough, they came in and grabbed jack and Daniel, leaving the others.

They were led back to the throne room. The Goa'uld was sitting on her throne looking mighty pleased with herself.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill and Dr. Daniel Jackson," she said as they were forced to their knees, "the men responsible for the death of Ra."

"That'd be us," Jack confirmed.

"You have made quite a name for yourselves."

"And to think we've only been at it for seven years."

"You have allied yourselves with **the Nox, **the Asgard, and **the Tok'ra**," she continued talking, ignoring Jack's comments.

"What do you want with us?"

This time she paid attention. "I am going to do something that should have been done a long time ago," she smiled evilly at them.

"And what is that?" Jack asked, not really wanting to know.

"Something Apophis couldn't do, something Hathor failed to accomplish . . . you will become **children of the Gods**."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" Jack quietly asked Daniel.

"She wants to make us hosts, Jack," Daniel replied, glancing at him.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"I will give you some time to think about your fate. Jaffa kree!" The Goa'uld said, walking out of the room.

They were led back to the cell, neither of them speaking.

"Sir?" Sam asked when the Jaffa left.

"We had a nice little visit. It seems that she knows a bit about us, but that's not the worst part."

Sam was about to ask what Jack meant when Daniel spoke, "She wants to make us hosts."

"What!" Collins yelled. "This can't be happening."

"Relax, Collins. She wants to make _us _hosts, meaning me and Daniel. She didn't say anything about you guys," Jack said.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Yeah."

"I believe I have found a way to escape."

"Really? I'm listening."

While Jack and Teal'c were talking the other three were keeping watch, although, you would hear the Jaffa long before you saw them.

About ten minutes later they put Teal'c's plan into action. They called the two Jaffa that had been standing at the door over, convinced them to open the door (Jack hadn't known that he could do the potty dance so well), and then jumped them. The Jaffa didn't stand a chance.

Teal'c and Jack took their staff weapons and Sam and Daniel got their zats. Collins didn't have a weapon, but he didn't care. He had a front row seat in watching the legendary SG-1 at work.

Once they had reached the outside of the building they high-tailed it to the tree line. Once there they slowed their pace. It didn't take long before they reached the edge of the clearing with the stargate.

"De ja vu," Jack muttered.

"Well, at least there isn't a whole bunch of Jaffa this time," Daniel said.

"All right, let's go," Jack ordered.

The five of them ran toward the gate. When they were about halfway there staff blast started flying past them.

"Daniel, run ahead and dial the gate," Jack yelled, returning fire with his own staff.

Daniel nodded and then sped up. When he reached the DHD he dialed Earth's address faster than Jack thought was possible. Once the gate was open he ducked behind the DHD and started laying down cover fire.

Jack saw Sam pull out a GDO (one that she apparently kept hidden) and punched in their code. She nodded at him when she had confirmation that the iris was open.

"Collins, go through now," Jack yelled.

The young man didn't have to be told twice. He bolted up the steps and through the gate, SG-1 right behind him.

"Close it," Jack yelled once he came out the other side.

Hammond walked into the gate room as soon as the iris closed.

"Colonel?"

"Sorry we're late, sir, we ran into a little trouble."

"You're not late, Colonel, you're early. You were only on the planet for **48 hours**."

"Oh, well, we don't want to go back, and if you will excuse me, sir, I really have to pee."

"No potty dance this time?" Daniel asked as he followed Jack out the door.

"The things I do **in the line of duty**," Jack replied.

That was the last thing Hammond heard. This was going to be an interesting debrief.


End file.
